'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me...' Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost 1.5 million people follow Mr Halpern’s philosophical musings every day on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his sayings. What emerges is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father and son relationship from a major new comic voice. As Justin says at one point, his dad is ‘like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair’; and this is the sort of shit he says... ‘You know, sometimes it’s nice having you around. But now ain’t one of those times. Now gimmie the remote, we’re not watching this bullshit.’ ‘Happy Birthday, I didn’t get you a present... Oh, mom got you one? Well, that’s from me then, too – unless it’s shitty.’ ‘Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn’t stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.’ ‘The worst thing you can be is a liar . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2.’ ‘Why the f**k would I want to live to 100? I’m 73 and shit’s starting to get boring. By the way, there’s no money left when I go, just fyi.’
‘Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a sh*tload scarier’ Sam Halpern Soon after Sh*t My Dad Says began to take off, comic writer Justin Halpern decided to take the plunge and propose to his then girlfriend. But before doing so, he asked his dad's advice, which was very, very simple (and surprisingly clean): 'Just take a day to think about it.' This book is the story of that trip down memory lane, a toe-curlingly honest pilgrim’s progress of teenage relationships, sex and love by one of the funniest writers at work today. Sh*t people say about Justin Halpern: ‘Ridiculously hilarious’ Chelsea Handler ‘Shoot-beer-out-your-nose funny’ Maxim ‘Funny, silly, honest, lively and fresh’ Sunday Times
Our notebook journals feature carefully designed artwork with an anti-scuff laminate cover. There is plenty of room inside for writing notes, stories, thoughts and ideas. It can be used as a notebook, journal, diary, or composition book. This 6" x 9" inch letter size paperback notebook 120 wide ruled pages (60 sheets).The high quality paper means minimal show-through even when you use different types of ink. They are a perfect gift idea for adults, kids, girls, boys, teens and tweens who love writing and journaling. Blank Notebooks Are ideal For: Graduation & End of School Year Gifts Stocking Stuffers & Gift Baskets Teacher Gifts Art Classes School Projects Diaries Gifts For Writers Summer Travel
“This book is ridiculously hilarious, and makes my father look like a normal member of society.” —Chelsea Handler “Read this unless you’re allergic to laughing.” —Kristen Bell “If you’re wondering if there is a real man behind the quotes on Twitter, the answer is a definite and laugh-out-loud yes.” —Christian Lander, New York Times bestselling author of Stuff White People Like Tuesdays with Morrie meets F My Life in this hilarious book about a son’s relationship with his foul-mouthed father by the 29-year-old comedy writer who created the massively popular Twitter feed of the same name.
A young boy and his father encounter immense challenges as they struggle to find love and acceptance in an unforgiving world. Abandoned by his own mother, rejected by all but his loving father, Billy B is thrust into a silent hell alone, branded a freak and a misfit. Billy becomes the ultimate life spectator in a game of survival. Who can he count on to save him, when all seems lost?
In I Suck at Girls, the enhanced e-book edition, Justin's famously opinionated father goes on camera for the first time, offering life advice on topics from marriage to profanity and debating the appeal of pornography in seven exclusive videos. Justin's father also tells his version of raising Justin with an essay written in prose as hilarious and poignant as his son's. In addition the enhanced e-book features nine exclusive photos from Justin's childhood. "Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier." Fans of the #1 bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always-patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through the pages of this hysterical new book. The story begins when Justin takes his dad out to lunch to announce that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel fucking universe." But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should take a day off and think back over everything he's learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And that's just what Justin does—revisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters. I Suck at Girls is full of his dad's patented brand of wisdom. But it's also full of new characters just as funny as his dad—from his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals ("You stand in one corner of the room, and she stands in the other. You each take off one piece of clothing at a time") to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "That's what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrim's progress through the landscape of sex and love—by one of the funniest writers at work today. Please note that due to the large file size of these special features this enhanced e-book may take longer to download then a standard e-book.
Author : Jesse McLean
ISBN : 9781770906273
Genre : Performing Arts
File Size : 59.68 MB
Format : PDF, ePub
Download : 744
Read : 760
Re-live the entire hit series with this insightful companion As the record-breaking run of the CBS hit sitcom How I Met Your Mother draws to an end, new fans of the epic romantic comedy are still appearing in droves, thanks to the joy of binge-watching on demand. What better way for old fans and new to reminisce about all the friendships and fun than by looking at the series as a whole in Jesse McLean's Wait For It. With an entertaining examination of each of the nine seasons of the show, McLean not only looks at the characters and stories, but the making-of stories, the running gags, the lead actors, and the lasting impact of How I Met Your Mother on pop culture thanks to a cult fandom that's grown to a national obsession.
Author : Melissa Mohr
ISBN : 9780199911561
Genre : History
File Size : 28.24 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
Download : 99
Read : 840
Almost everyone swears, or worries about not swearing, from the two year-old who has just discovered the power of potty mouth to the grandma who wonders why every other word she hears is obscene. Whether they express anger or exhilaration, are meant to insult or to commend, swear words perform a crucial role in language. But swearing is also a uniquely well-suited lens through which to look at history, offering a fascinating record of what people care about on the deepest levels of a culture--what's divine, what's terrifying, and what's taboo. Holy Sh*t tells the story of two kinds of swearing--obscenities and oaths--from ancient Rome and the Bible to today. With humor and insight, Melissa Mohr takes readers on a journey to discover how "swearing" has come to include both testifying with your hand on the Bible and calling someone a *#$&!* when they cut you off on the highway. She explores obscenities in ancient Rome--which were remarkably similar to our own--and unearths the history of religious oaths in the Middle Ages, when swearing (or not swearing) an oath was often a matter of life and death. Holy Sh*t also explains the advancement of civility and corresponding censorship of language in the 18th century, considers the rise of racial slurs after World War II, examines the physiological effects of swearing (increased heart rate and greater pain tolerance), and answers a question that preoccupies the FCC, the US Senate, and anyone who has recently overheard little kids at a playground: are we swearing more now than people did in the past? A gem of lexicography and cultural history, Holy Sh*t is a serious exploration of obscenity--and it also just might expand your repertoire of words to choose from the next time you shut your finger in the car door.
Author : Danny Marianino
ISBN : 1479295485
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 84.82 MB
Format : PDF
Download : 397
Read : 1049
Documenting Danny Marianino's days as a metalhead from childhood into adulthood, Don't Ever Punch a Rockstar somehow rationalizes playing in a few hardcore/punk bands, touring, fighting, drinking, internet bullying, celebrity encounters, satanic curses, house fires, harassment and collecting an immeasurable amount of hate mail from some of the most illiterate human beings the world has to offer. Though Oprah will never add this into her book club, it's still a good lesson in accepting the negative with a laugh and gaining a new sense of temperance and humility. At the very least I will entertain you with a campy memoir and a detailed eye-opening account of the chaos that followed the infamous event that VH1 called one of the Most Shocking Moments in Rock and Roll. This is by no means the same old autobiography that you have read before. Don't Ever Punch a Rockstar combine elements of Get in The Van, Emails from and Asshole and Shit My Dad Says all in one hot mess of a story. Praise for the book - "Danny Marianino's Never Punch A Rockstar is a sock in the jaw to punk/metal scene conformity, and it hurts so good! Final score: North Side Kings 2, Danzig, 0." - STEVEN BLUSH, author/filmmaker, American Hardcore "As trenchant, sometimes funny, insightful and shocking as a punch in the face. WHICH is incidentally what started this whole ball rolling. A pretty potent look into the power of image and the punching of the face of arguably a legend of, well, face punching, Glenn Danzig, and the ensuing firestorm that followed. I'd give it 5 black eyes." -- EUGENE S. ROBINSON, singer for Oxbow & author of FIGHT: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Ass Kicking But Were Afraid You'd Get Your Ass Kicked For Asking "With Don't Ever Punch a Rock Star author Danny Marianino has written an entertaining, humorous and humble autobiography. The often times laugh-out-loud recollections of Danny's life up to and following the infamous run-in with the drama-queen of dark metal is more than engaging and, with the inclusion of hate mail, zany rumors, message board threats and internet tough guys, you're sure to get a good giggle while learning what truly transpired that fateful night in Tuba City." - DUSTIN LAVALLEY, author of Spinner "As we have always said on the streets of NY - don't start none -there wont be none - and if you do, at least keep your hands up and guard your grill. Way to K.O. rock star attitudes Danny Boy!" - John Joseph author of The Evolution of a Cro-Magnon and Meat is For Pussies
Back to the Future meets Fast Times at Ridgemont High when Haley’s summer vacation takes a turn for the retro in this totally rad romantic fantasy. Summer officially sucks. Thanks to a stupid seizure she had a few months earlier, Haley’s stuck going on vacation with her dad and his new family to Disney’s Fort Wilderness instead of enjoying the last session of summer camp back home with her friends. Fort Wilderness holds lots of childhood memories for her father, but surely nothing for Haley. But then a new seizure triggers something she’s never before experienced—time travel—and she ends up in River Country, the campground’s long-abandoned water park, during its heyday. The year? 1982. And there—with its amusing fashion, “oldies” music, and primitive technology—she runs into familiar faces: teenage Dad and Mom before they’d even met. Somehow, Haley must find her way back to the twenty-first century before her present-day parents anguish over her disappearance, a difficult feat now that she’s met Jason, one of the park’s summer residents and employees, who takes the strangely dressed stowaway under his wing. Seizures aside, Haley’s used to controlling her life, and she has no idea how to deal with this dilemma. How can she be falling for a boy whose future she can’t share?