People I Want To Punch In The Throat Competitive Crafters Drop Off Despots And Other Suburban Scourges

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People I Want To Punch In The Throat

Author : Jen Mann
ISBN : 9780345549983
Genre : Humor
File Size : 90.36 MB
Format : PDF, ePub, Mobi
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NATIONAL BESTSELLER A debut collection of witty, biting essays laced with a surprising warmth, from Jen Mann, the writer behind the popular blog People I Want to Punch in the Throat People I want to punch in the throat: • anyone who feels the need to bling her washer and dryer • humblebraggers • people who treat their pets like children Jen Mann doesn’t have a filter, which sometimes gets her in trouble with her neighbors, her fellow PTA moms, and that one woman who tried to sell her sex toys at a home shopping party. Known for her hilariously acerbic observations on her blog, People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Mann now brings her sharp wit to bear on suburban life, marriage, and motherhood in this laugh-out-loud collection of essays. From the politics of joining a play group, to the thrill of mothers’ night out at the gun range, to the rewards of your most meaningful relationship (the one you have with your cleaning lady), nothing is sacred or off-limits. So the next time you find yourself wearing fuzzy bunny pajamas in the school carpool line or accidentally stuck at a co-worker’s swingers party, just think, What would Jen Mann do? Or better yet, buy her book. Advance praise for People I Want to Punch in the Throat “People I Want to Punch in the Throat is so good that it’ll make you want to adopt all the cats in the world. I’m not sure about the correlation, but it’s that good. It should come with a warning.”—Jenny Lawson, author of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened “Jen Mann has an amazing way of telling stories that will make you cringe and burst out laughing at the same time. From swinger parties to racist toddlers, she makes the suburbs unbelievably funny.”—Karen Alpert, author of I Heart My Little A-Holes “Jen Mann says the things we’re all too afraid to say. Her honest and hilarious writing style reminds me of David Sedaris and Tina Fey.”—Robin O’Bryant, author of Ketchup Is a Vegetable: And Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves “Jen Mann’s shrewd and unrelenting assault on the absurdity of suburban life is an honest peek into the occasional nightmare that is part of living the American dream. I love Jen. I wish she was my neighbor. It’s so refreshing to know that I’m not the only one who wants to punch almost everyone in the f***ing throat.”—Nicole Knepper, author of Moms Who Drink And Swear From the Trade Paperback edition.
Category: Humor

Only Dead On The Inside

Author : James Breakwell
ISBN : 9781944648640
Genre : Humor
File Size : 39.94 MB
Format : PDF
Download : 816
Read : 358

It's not easy being a parent these days. There are bills to pay. Kids to feed. And hordes of undead monsters to keep at bay. There are plenty of guides out there about how to survive the zombie apocalypse. All of them assume readers are young, fit, and unencumbered by children. In that scenario, the only living humans left will be smug, outdoorsy Millennials. That's hell on earth, even without the zombies. Only Dead on the Inside is the answer for the rest of us. Written by professional comedy writer and amateur father-of-four James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn), Only Dead on the Inside blends traditional parenting advice with zombie survival tips, bringing together two totally unrelated genres in a book no one asked for but everyone needs. This step-by-step manual teaches you how to raise happy, healthy children in a world overrun by the undead. Motivated moms and dads want it all, and that won't change at the end of the world. There's no reason you can't be a zombie killing machine AND parent of the year, but you have to work for it. If you want to make sure your family is apocalypse-ready, Only Dead on the Inside is your best—and only—chance at survival. No pressure, but if you don't read this book, your children will die.
Category: Humor

Approval Junkie

Author : Faith Salie
ISBN : 9780553419948
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 81.34 MB
Format : PDF, Mobi
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From comedian and journalist Faith Salie, of NPR's Wait Wait…Don't Tell Me! and CBS News Sunday Morning, a collection of daring, funny essays chronicling the author's adventures during her lifelong quest for approval Faith Salie has done it all in the name of validation. Whether she’s trying to impress her parents with a perfect GPA, undergoing an exorcism to save her toxic marriage, or baking a 3D excavator cake for her son’s birthday, Salie is the ultimate approval seeker—an “approval junkie,” if you will. In this collection of daring, honest essays, Salie shares stories from her lifelong quest for gold stars, recounting her strategy for winning (very Southern) high school beauty pageant; her struggle to pick the perfect outfit to wear to her divorce; and her difficulty falling in love again, and then conceiving, in the years following her mother’s death. With thoughtful irreverence, Salie reflects on why she tries so hard to please others, and herself, highlighting a phenomenon that many people—especially women—experience at home and in the workplace. Equal parts laugh-out loud funny and poignant, Approval Junkie is one woman’s journey to realizing that seeking approval from others is more than just getting them to like you—it's challenging yourself to achieve, and survive, more than you ever thought you could.
Category: Biography & Autobiography

The Bigger Book Of Parenting Tweets

Author : Kim Bongiorno
ISBN : 0996226206
Genre : Parenting
File Size : 41.90 MB
Format : PDF
Download : 258
Read : 953

Following the enormous success of their first book, The Big Book of Parenting Tweets, Science of Parenthood and Kate Hall are back with The BIGGER Book of Parenting Tweets, featuring EVEN MORE of the funniest parents on Twitter! Venturing deep into the Twitterverse in search of even more hilarity, those intrepid editors discovered more than FIFTY of the funniest comedians who just happen to be parents. Together with still more of Science of Parenthood's signature cartoons and special "behind the tweets" stories, Book Two is BIGGER ... it's BOLDER ... and gosh darn it, people LIKE it! Praise for The Big Book of Parenting Tweets: "The perfect book for parents who want -- NEED -- to laugh, but don't have time to sit down and read a daunting book. Grab it, head to the bathroom and lock the door until they find you!" - Jill Smokler, author of Confessions of a Scary Mommy "The Big Book of Parenting Tweets dishes up bite-size nuggets of funny. Impossible to read just one." - Jen Mann, author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Competitive Crafters, Drop-Off Despots, and Other Suburban Scourges "This book is HILARIOUS. Being a parent is a frustrating, hilarious, weird, wild experience. This book captures some of the best of our snark. You need it. You do." - Nicole Knepper, author of Moms Who Drink and Swear A terrific read, featuring some of the funniest (and most honest) parents in the Twitterverse... my go-to gift for new parents! - Johanna Stein, author of How Not To Calm A Child On A Plane and Other Parenting Advice from a Questionable Source Here is just a peek at some of what you'll find inside: I don't believe in spanking my children, but I do believe in flipping them off from the other room. - Jewel Nunez (@OneFunnyMummy) Me prying a toy hammer from my 4yo: "Stop. It's not hammer time!" Parenting is lonely when nobody's there to hear your outdated references. - Full Metal Mommy (@FullMetalMommy) The saddest thing I have ever seen is watching my son trying to carve a Playstation 3 out of a giant lump of coal on Christmas. - Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) All restaurants should have a $200 cover charge for babies. - Rodney Lacroix (@Moooooog35) No, honey. The deer is just sleeping. They tied him down so he wouldn't fall off the top of their Ford Explorer. - Linda Doty (@LindaInDisguise)
Category: Parenting

My Lame Life

Author : Jen Mann
ISBN : 1944123024
Genre : Moving, Household
File Size : 21.30 MB
Format : PDF, Docs
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My name is Plum Parrish, I'm fourteen, and I'm pretty sure I'm invisible. Not like super power invisible, more like loser invisible. There's a big difference. I live with my dad who doesn't realize that a job transfer to Kansas is not a promotion; my s'mother who thinks journaling, cheesy inspo slogans, and mani-pedis can solve my problems; and my twin brother Pax who is so perfect I'm convinced we share absolutely no DNA. Unfortunately, I'm not invisible to them. I love them, but they embarrass me on the daily. Honestly, they would probably say the same about me, because I'm weird, sarcastic, and just a lot. My best friend is ghosting me, and my other best friend is a teacher. The move to Kansas is my opportunity to reinvent myself and embrace my a lot-ness (yes, that is too a word). Sure, I will literally have to battle a live bat, a Queen Bee, and my unruly hair, but I will find my tribe and own who I am.
Category: Moving, Household

The Big Book Of Parenting Tweets

Author : Jessica Ziegler
ISBN : 1503189554
Genre :
File Size : 65.70 MB
Format : PDF
Download : 119
Read : 799

"The perfect book for parents who want -- NEED -- to laugh, but don't have time to sit down and read a daunting book. Grab it, head to the bathroom and lock the door until they find you!" - Jill Smokler, author of"Confessions of a Scary Mommy" "The Big Book of Parenting Tweets dishes up bite-size nuggets of funny. Impossible to read just one." - Jen Mann, author of"People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Competitive Crafters, Drop-Off Despots, and Other Suburban Scourges" This book is HILARIOUS. Being a parent is a frustrating, hilarious, weird, wild experience. This book captures some of the best of our snark. You need it. You do. - Nikki Knepper, author of"Moms Who Drink and Swear" A terrific read, featuring some of the funniest (and most honest) parents in the Twitterverse... my go-to gift for new parents! - Johanna Stein, author of "How Not To Calm A Child On A Plane and Other Parenting Advice from a Questionable Source" Twitter isn't just for breaking news and celebrity stalking-it's also a goldmine of the funniest comedy online. Jokes? People tell jokes on Twitter? YES, they do. And they are hilarious ... but who wants to sift through the hashtags, RTs and FFs to get to the good stuff? WE GET IT! Parents don't have time for all that. That's why the duo behind the illustrated humor blog Science of Parenthood teamed up with Twitter maven Kate Hall of Hall of Tweets to create The Big Book of Parenting Tweets -a laugh-riot collection of more than three-hundred tweetable moments straight from the parenting trenches from the most hysterical comedians on Twitter, who just happen to be parents. Here is just a peek at some of what you'll find inside: My 4yo is trying to sell my own M&M's back to me. This guy's going places.- @FatherWithTwins With my wife away, my children keep asking me for things like meals and bandaids and sympathy, but I don't know where we keep any of that.- @KalvinMacleod She took 4 y/o to the park & texted "Can I get her ice-cream?" Get her a Heineken for all I care. Free babysitters get to call the shots.- @BunmiLaditan I wish bottles of ibuprofen came with a little prize inside, like maybe a babysitter.- @SuburbanSnaps To anyone out there thinking about having kids, today my 2yo threw a temper tantrum because she couldn't get rid of her shadow. - @XplodingUnicorn Peppered with cartoons by Science of Parenthood, The Big Book of Parenting Tweets is the perfect gift for every over-worked, under-showered, sleep-deprived parent who could use a quick laugh, because who has time for more?
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