DAVE BARRYS MONEY SECRETS

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Dave Barry S Money Secrets

Author : Dave Barry
ISBN : 0307345378
Genre : Humor
File Size : 35.48 MB
Format : PDF
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Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn’t stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as: • How the U.S. economy works, including the often overlooked role of Adam Sandler • Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money • Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try for a good job, even though you are—let’s be honest—a no-talent loser • How corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider • An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel) • Surefire tips for buying and selling real estate, the key being: Never buy—or, for that matter, sell—real estate • How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating • Why good colleges cost so much, and how to make sure your child does not get into one • How to reduce the cost of your medical care by basically not getting any • Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death • And many, many pictures of Suze Orman But that’s only the beginning! Dave has also included in this book all of the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don’t have to read it yourself. Plus he explains how to tip, how to negotiate for everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much allowance to give your children (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealership Code of Ethics (“Ethic Seven: The customer is an idiot”). Also, there are many gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can’t afford not to buy this book! Probably you need several copies. What kind of financial shape are you in right now? This scientific quiz will show you. Be honest in your answers: If you lie, you’ll only be lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return. What is your annual income? 1. More than $50,000. 2. Less than $50,000. 3. However much I get when I return these empties. Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe? 1. Less than $10,000. 2. More than $10,000. 3. Men are threatening to cut off my thumbs. How would you describe your portfolio? 1. Conservative, mainly bonds and blue-chip equities. 2. Aggressive, mainly options and speculative stocks. 3. My what? When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor? 1. The amount of return. 2. The degree of risk. 3. The name of the jockey. How do you plan to finance your retirement? 1. Savings. 2. Social security. 3. Sale of kidneys. —from the Introduction: “Why You Need This Book” Also available as a Crown eBook. From the Hardcover edition.
Category: Humor

Dave Barry S History Of The Millennium So Far

Author : Dave Barry
ISBN : 9781101207239
Genre : Humor
File Size : 39.95 MB
Format : PDF, Mobi
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A brilliantly funny look at the tumultuous recent past from the Pulitzer Prize?winning humorist. Remember when everything was going to go to hell when Y2K struck? That didn?t happen. Right? But what did happen? To provide a little perspective on a really messed-up millennium (so far), the one and only Dave Barry slips into his historian?s robe (it?s plush terrycloth) and revisits the defining moments in our country?s recent history?from the Bush years to?jeez, it?s still the Bush years! As an added bonus, Barry quickly?we?re busy here?tosses in the complete history of the last millennium, covering crucial turning points such as the invention of the pizza by Leonardo da Vinci and the computer by Charles Babbage (who died in 1871 still waiting to talk to tech support). Fellow Americans, the time has come to bone up with Barry as he puts the hysterical in history.
Category: Humor

Dave Barry S Only Travel Guide You Ll Ever Need

Author : Dave Barry
ISBN : 9780307758767
Genre : Humor
File Size : 28.12 MB
Format : PDF, ePub
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TAKE YOUR TRAVEL TIPS FROM DAVE BARRY, A GUY WHO IS REALLY GONE! Complete with maps, histories, quaint local facts (France's National Underwear Changing Day is March 12), song lyrics, helpful hints on how to get through Customs (all insects must be spayed), and tidbits from Dave Barry's own fond vacation nightmares, DAVE BARRY'S ONLY TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER NEED is just that. You'll find everything you need to know in this incredibly comprehensive reference, including: - Air Travel (Or: Why Birds Never Look Truly Relaxed) - Traveling as a Family (Or: No, We Are NOT There Yet) - Traveling in Europe ("Excuse me! Where is the Big Mona Lisa?") - Camping: Nature's Way of Promoting the Motel Industry From the Paperback edition.
Category: Humor

You Can Date Boys When You Re Forty

Author : Dave Barry
ISBN : 9781101631492
Genre : Humor
File Size : 20.92 MB
Format : PDF, ePub
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A brilliantly funny exploration of the twin mysteries of parenthood and families from the Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times–bestselling author of Insane City. In his New York Times–bestselling I’ll Mature When I’m Dead, Dave Barry embarked on the treacherous seas of adulthood, to hilarious results. What comes next? Parenthood, of course, and families. In uproarious, brand-new pieces, Barry tackles everything from family trips, bat mitzvah parties and dating (he’s serious about that title: “When my daughter can legally commence dating—February 24, 2040—I intend to monitor her closely, even if I am deceased”) to funeral instructions (“I would like my eulogy to be given by William Shatner”), the differences between male and female friendships, the deeper meaning of Fifty Shades of Grey, and a father’s ultimate sacrifice: accompanying his daughter to a Justin Bieber concert (“It turns out that the noise teenaged girls make to express happiness is the same noise they would make if their feet were being gnawed off by badgers”). Let’s face it: families not only enrich our lives every day, they drive us completely around the bend. Thank goodness we have Dave Barry as our guide!
Category: Humor

Big Trouble

Author : Dave Barry
ISBN : 1101442220
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 52.94 MB
Format : PDF, ePub, Docs
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Dave Barry makes his fiction debut with a ferociously funny novel of love and mayhem in south Florida. In his career, Dave Barry has done just about everything--written bestselling nonfiction, won a Pulitzer Prize, seen his life turned into a television series. And now, at last, he has joined the long list of literary figures from Jane Austen to Tolstoy who have made the transition from humor columnist to novelist...and done it with a style and inventiveness that establishes that, yes, he is very good at that, too. In the city of Coconut Grove, Florida, these things happen: A struggling adman named Eliot Arnold drives home from a meeting with the Client From Hell. His teenage son, Matt, fills a Squirtmaster 9000 for his turn at a high school game called Killer. Matt's intended victim, Jenny Herk, sits down in front of the TV with her mom for what she hopes will be a peaceful evening for once. Jenny's alcoholic and secretly embezzling stepfather, Arthur, emerges from the maid's room, angry at being rebuffed. Henry and Leonard, two hit men from New Jersey, pull up to the Herks' house for a real game of Killer, Arthur's embezzlement apparently not having been quite so secret to his employers after all. And a homeless man named Puggy settles down for the night in a treehouse just inside the Herks' yard. In a few minutes, a chain of events that will change the lives of each and every one of them will begin, and will leave some of them wiser, some of them deader, and some of them definitely looking for a new line of work. With a wicked wit, razor-sharp observations, rich characters, and a plot with more twists than the Inland Waterway, Dave Barry makes his debut a complete and utter triumph.
Category: Fiction

Live Right And Find Happiness Although Beer Is Much Faster

Author : Dave Barry
ISBN : 9781101631508
Genre : Humor
File Size : 70.84 MB
Format : PDF
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During the course of living (mumble, mumble) years, Dave Barry has learned much of wisdom,* (*actual wisdom not guaranteed) and he is eager to pass it on—to the next generation, the generation after that, and to those idiots who make driving to the grocery store in Florida a death-defying experience. In brilliant, brand-new, never-before-published pieces, Dave passes on home truths to his new grandson and to his daughter Sophie, who will be getting her learner’s permit in 2015 (“So you’re about to start driving! How exciting! I’m going to kill myself”). He explores the hometown of his youth, where the grown-ups were supposed to be uptight fifties conformists, but seemed to have a lot of un-Mad Men-like fun, unlike Dave’s own Baby Boomer generation, which was supposed to be wild and crazy, but somehow turned into neurotic hover-parents. He dives into everything from the inanity of cable news and the benefits of Google Glass (“You will look like a douchebag”) to the loneliness of high school nerds (“You will never hear a high school girl say about a boy, in a dreamy voice, ‘He’s so sarcastic!’”), from the perils of home repair to firsthand accounts of the soccer craziness of Brazil and the just plain crazy craziness of Vladimir Putin’s Russia (“He stares at the camera with the expression of a man who relaxes by strangling small furry animals”), and a lot more besides. By the end, if you do not feel wiser, richer in knowledge, more attuned to the universe . . . we wouldn’t be at all surprised. But you’ll have had a lot to laugh about! From the Hardcover edition.
Category: Humor

Peter And The Secret Of Rundoon

Author : Dave Barry
ISBN : 0786837888
Genre : Juvenile Fiction
File Size : 70.67 MB
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Fearing that the sinister Lord Ombra was not destroyed, Peter and Molly travel to the land of Rundoon, which is ruled by the evil King Zarboff, and once again find themselves in a struggle to save themselves as well as the planet. 200,000 first printing.
Category: Juvenile Fiction

Neverisms

Author : Dr. Mardy Grothe
ISBN : 0062079395
Genre : Reference
File Size : 81.99 MB
Format : PDF, ePub, Mobi
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From Mardy Grothe, the author of Ifferisms,Oxymoronica,and I Never Met a Metaphor IDidn’t Like, comes a new collection of witty and wise quotations about what never to do in life. Remember, “never let the fear of striking out get in your way” (BabeRuth), "never hit anyone if you can help it, but never hit soft"(Theodore Roosevelt); "never be afraid tosit awhile and think" (Lorraine Hansberry); and, of course, neverleave home without the perfect quote for any occasion from Dr. Mardy’s Neverisms.
Category: Reference

The Bridge To Never Land

Author : Dave Barry
ISBN : 9781423163077
Genre : Juvenile Fiction
File Size : 55.89 MB
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One summer morning while Aidan and Sarah are visiting their grandfather, they discover a secret compartment in his battered wooden desk. Inside is a yellowed envelope that contains a piece of very thin, almost translucent, white paper, on which, handwritten in black ink, are a series of seemingly random lines; among them are what appear to be fragments of letters, but not enough to make sense. At the bottom of the page is a verse about Peter Peter and a reference to a real hotel in London. As it happens, the family is about to embark on a trip to Europe, so the children decide that while in London, they will try to locate the hotel.
Category: Juvenile Fiction

Science Fair

Author : Dave Barry
ISBN : 9781423140795
Genre : Juvenile Fiction
File Size : 86.22 MB
Format : PDF, Kindle
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Grdankl the Strong, president of Krpshtskan, is plotting to take over the American government. His plan is to infiltrate the science fair at Hubble Middle School, located in a Maryland suburb just outside Washington. The rich kids at Hubble cheat by buying their projects every year, and Grdankl's cronies should have no problem selling them his government-corrupting software. But this year, Toby Harbinger, a regular kid with Discount Warehouse shoes, is determined to win the $5,000 prize—even if he has to go up against terrorists to do it.
Category: Juvenile Fiction