Crazy Sht Old People Say

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Crazy Sh T Old People Say

Author : Geoff Tibballs
ISBN : 9781849019224
Genre : Humor
File Size : 61.20 MB
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With old age comes grey hair, dodgy knees, a sudden passion for re-runs of Murder, She Wrote, and an apparent God-given licence to speak one's mind and be generally offensive without fear of retribution. Under the guise of passing on the benefits of their experience to family members or just casual acquaintances, old people exercise their right to swear, cuss and insult as they please. These feisty philosophers take no prisoners as they use their scalpel-like tongues to dissect modern life and the younger generations. If challenged over their outrageous comments, they'll play the age card: you know the sort of thing - 'I'm eighty-six, I've fought for my country, and if I want to call you a no-good, lowdown, useless fuckwit, then I'll call you a no-good, lowdown, useless fuckwit, Vicar.' Other gems include: It bugs me when people say, 'Life is short.' What the hell does it mean? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does! Are they going to do something that's longer? Son, if it's got tits or tyres, you're gonna have trouble with it. We all have our disappointments in life, son, and I'm talking to mine right now. The only way in which life resembles a bed of roses is that you encounter a lot of pricks along the way. Sure I'm surprised you can't get a job, son. I heard the world was crying out for someone who is lazy, has no qualifications but can spit gum into a waste paper basket from ten feet. Don't you think you might stand a better chance of becoming a captain of industry if you got rid of some of that metal shit on your body - like the nose stud and the eyebrow rings? Donald Trump may have a crap haircut but I bet he doesn't have pierced fucking nipples. Son, if life was fair, Elvis would still be alive and all the impersonators would be dead. The secret of a happy life is to run out of cash and air at exactly the same time.
Category: Humor

The Kid

Author : Sapphire
ISBN : 9781101529218
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 59.45 MB
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Fifteen years after the publication of Push, one year after the Academy Award-winning film adaptation, Sapphire gives voice to Precious's son, Abdul. In The Kid bestselling author Sapphire tells the electrifying story of Abdul Jones, the son of Push's unforgettable heroine, Precious. A story of body and spirit, rooted in the hungers of flesh and of the soul, The Kid brings us deep into the interior life of Abdul Jones. We meet him at age nine, on the day of his mother's funeral. Left alone to navigate a world in which love and hate sometimes hideously masquerade, forced to confront unspeakable violence, his history, and the dark corners of his own heart, Abdul claws his way toward adulthood and toward an identity he can stand behind. In a generational story that moves with the speed of thought from a Mississippi dirt farm to Harlem in its heyday; from a troubled Catholic orphanage to downtown artist's lofts, The Kid tells of a twenty- first-century young man's fight to find a way toward the future. A testament to the ferocity of the human spirit and the deep nourishing power of love and of art, The Kid chronicles a young man about to take flight. In the intimate, terrifying, and deeply alive story of Abdul's journey, we are witness to an artist's birth by fire.
Category: Fiction

Driving Like Crazy

Author : P. J. O'Rourke
ISBN : 9780802199836
Genre : Transportation
File Size : 77.31 MB
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The #1 New York Times–bestselling humorist’s tribute to car travel is “a ride worth taking, even for readers who don’t know an oil pan from a frying pan” (The Washington Times). From a veteran of both Car and Driver and National Lampoon magazines, this hilarious book chronicles the golden age of the automobile in America—and takes us on a whirlwind tour of the world’s most scenic and bumpiest roads in trouble-laden cross-country treks, from a 1978 Florida-to-California escapade in a 1956 special four-door Buick sedan, to a thousand-mile effort across Mexico in the Baja 1000 in 1983, to a journey through Kyrgyzstan in 2006 on the back of a Soviet army surplus six-wheel-drive truck. For longtime fans of the celebrated humorist, the collection features a host of O’Rourke’s classic pieces on driving, including “How to Drive Fast on Drugs While Getting Your Wing-Wang Squeezed and Not Spill Your Drink,” about the potential misdeeds one might perform in the front (and back) seat of an automobile; “The Rolling Organ Donors Motorcycle Club,” which chronicles a seven-hundred-mile weekend trip through Michigan and Indiana that O’Rourke took on a Harley-Davidson; his brilliant and funny piece from Rolling Stone on NASCAR and its peculiar culture recorded during an alcohol-fueled weekend in Charlotte, North Carolina, in 1977; and an hilarious account of a ride from Islamabad to Calcutta in Land Rover’s new Discovery Trek. “Never in neutral, O’Rourke offers laughter on wheels.” —Publishers Weekly “An insightful look not just at the American love affair with cars, but also at one man’s changing outlook on life, all of it fast-paced and over the top . . . Even readers who know nothing about cars and motorcycles will appreciate the joy and hilarity of this book.” —Booklist
Category: Transportation

The Crazy Old White Man From The Hood

Author : Lee Gaylord
ISBN : 9781413724660
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 37.14 MB
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The Crazy Old White Man was the street name given to the author when he lived in the hood. It is about his life and how he became The Crazy Old White Man and those who were a part of his life during that time. You will get a look at the drug culture and the streets of Detroit. You will meet addicts and people of the streets. The author pulls no punches and is honest and straightforward about the events in his life. There are some success stories and some failures. There are some laughs and some tears. It is real life, and it shows that the people of the streets are normal people who may have made a wrong turn in life. They are lost souls who need to find themselves.
Category: Biography & Autobiography

Freezing In Duval

Author : Keith Nesbitt
ISBN : 9781503525436
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 88.44 MB
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This is the first of a trilogy based on the struggles of the game that most people dont know about and the cold-hearted streets of Duval County, Florida. With the trials and tribulations of Freeze, Slim, and Bat Man, will they win, or will they lose their chess match with the reaper? Will they make it out of the game, or will the reaper make the last move?
Category: Fiction

Sway

Author : Kat Spears
ISBN : 9781466852198
Genre : Young Adult Fiction
File Size : 56.74 MB
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A YALSA 2015 Best Fiction for Young Adults Pick In Kat Spears's hilarious and often poignant debut, high school senior Jesse Alderman, or "Sway," as he's known, could sell hell to a bishop. He also specializes in getting things people want---term papers, a date with the prom queen, fake IDs. He has few close friends and he never EVER lets emotions get in the way. For Jesse, life is simply a series of business transactions. But when Ken Foster, captain of the football team, leading candidate for homecoming king, and all-around jerk, hires Jesse to help him win the heart of the angelic Bridget Smalley, Jesse finds himself feeling all sorts of things. While following Bridget and learning the intimate details of her life, he falls helplessly in love for the very first time. He also finds himself in an accidental friendship with Bridget's belligerent and self-pitying younger brother who has cerebral palsy. Suddenly, Jesse is visiting old folks at a nursing home in order to run into Bridget, and offering his time to help the less fortunate, all the while developing a bond with this young man who idolizes him. Could the tin man really have a heart after all? A Cyrano de Bergerac story with a modern twist, Sway is told from Jesse's point of view with unapologetic truth and biting humor, his observations about the world around him untempered by empathy or compassion---until Bridget's presence in his life forces him to confront his quiet devastation over a life-changing event a year earlier and maybe, just maybe, feel something again.
Category: Young Adult Fiction

Noah Must Be Crazy

Author : Jared William Carter
ISBN : 9781468957587
Genre : Humor
File Size : 33.65 MB
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Comedy that tells the African American side of Noah's Ark.
Category: Humor

All Involved

Author : Ryan Gattis
ISBN : 9780062378811
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 38.62 MB
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A propulsive and ambitious novel as electrifying as The Wire, from a writer hailed as the West Coast's Richard Price—a mesmerizing epic of crime and opportunity, race, revenge, and loyalty, set in the chaotic streets of South Central L.A. in the wake of one of the most notorious and incendiary trials of the 1990s At 3:15 p.m. on April 29, 1992, a jury acquitted three white Los Angeles Police Department officers charged with using excessive force to subdue a black man named Rodney King, and failed to reach a verdict on the same charges involving a fourth officer. Less than two hours later, the city exploded in violence that lasted six days. In nearly 121 hours, fifty-three lives were lost. But there were even more deaths unaccounted for: violence that occurred outside of active rioting sites by those who used the chaos to viciously settle old scores. A gritty and cinematic work of fiction, All Involved vividly re-creates this turbulent and terrifying time, set in a sliver of Los Angeles largely ignored by the media during the riots. Ryan Gattis tells seventeen interconnected first-person narratives that paint a portrait of modern America itself—laying bare our history, our prejudices, and our complexities. With characters that capture the voices of gang members, firefighters, graffiti kids, and nurses caught up in these extraordinary circumstances, All Involved is a literary tour de force that catapults this edgy writer into the ranks of such legendary talents as Dennis Lehane and George V. Higgins.
Category: Fiction

Making Friends With Black People

Author : Nick Adams
ISBN : 9780758289995
Genre : Social Science
File Size : 52.48 MB
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White people of America, we know you've got it rough. Sure, black men and women have been through four hundred years of slavery, oppression, murder, and watching white college students try to dance. But now that it's hip to have black friends, white people aren't sure how to go about it. And that is a real American tragedy. Thank God Nick Adams is here to help you avoid potential racial pitfalls and successfully make the transition from white to "aiight." Now, you'll know not to start a conversation with, "So, that new Jay-Z album is pretty great, right?" Or tell a co-worker he looks just like (fill in blank with name of dark-skinned person who works in the other building.) You'll know that a lot of black people you meet at parties or work functions don't care who played Thelma's husband on "Good Times", don't want to discuss the Malcolm X biography you just read and definitely don't want to listen to country music. Ever. Yes, it's a good thing Nick is here to explain. Because if we're going to live together in peace and harmony, you people are going to need help. Black People, Briefly Explained. A Q&A with Nick Adams Q: Nick, what is the correct term to use when addressing my new friends: Black or African-American? A: Personally, I always liked Afro-American. I liked being named after a 1970's hairdo. But then I wondered why we didn't become the Jheri-curled Americans or High Top Fade Americans. Q: Nick, if black people can use the "N" word as a term of endearment, can I, a white person, do so? A: No. I don't care if you have your hair in cornrows while wearing a Phat Farm t-shirt at an R. Kelly concert. Black people don't get to be president, and white people don't get to use the word nigger. Can we just call it even now? Q: Nick, I'd like to try slang. Is that okay? A: When you guys start using our words, that's when we know it's time for us to stop using them. Every time a white, middle-aged math teacher calls a student, "dog," black people all over the country are notified via email. Believe it. Q: Nick, surely you have to agree that Eminem is a hip-hop visionary? A: Let's try this one more time: Kurtis Blow, RUN-DMC, LL Cool J, Rakim, Chuck D, KRS-One, Tupac, Notorious B.I.G., Nas, Common, Mos Def, Bitch!
Category: Social Science

Prison Inc

Author : K.C. Carceral
ISBN : 081479954X
Genre : Social Science
File Size : 73.24 MB
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In 1888, Leo Tolstoy mysteriously declared that sexual intercourse should no longer exist. Years later he would admit to being "horrified" by this pronouncement, but still remained an ardent believer in sexual abstinence. Frequenter of brothels in his youth, father of thirteen children by his wife and at least two children by peasant women before he was married, Tolstoy now had the audacity to suggest that people should stop having sex. How can such a repudiation be explained? Beginning with Tolstoy's Kreutzer Sonata-his first written "declaration of war on human sexuality"--Tolstoy on the Couch takes us on a sweeping psychoanalytic tour of Tolstoy's diaries and other private materials, revealing that behind his campaign for celibacy lay a painful and complicated drama of early childhood. Rooting Tolstoy's polarized feelings about women and sexuality in his uncontrollable rage toward the mother who died when he was a toddler, Rancour-Laferriere offers profound psychobiographic insights into Tolstoy's lifelong animosity toward women--and into the women he loved to hate.
Category: Social Science

Republican Party Reptile

Author : P. J. O'Rourke
ISBN : 9781555847173
Genre : Humor
File Size : 86.10 MB
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Writings from the old-school Republican and New York Times–bestselling author of How the Hell Did This Happen?: “Hilarious” (Christopher Buckley, author of Thank You for Smoking). In this collection of pieces, the outrageous political satirist renowned for such classics as Parliament of Whores takes on a wide range of cultural and political issues, and explains the platform of the Republican Party Reptile: “I think our agenda is clear. We are opposed to: government spending, Kennedy kids, seat-belt laws . . . busing our children anywhere other than Yale, trailer courts near our vacation homes . . . all tiny Third World countries that don’t have banking secrecy laws, aerobics, the UN, taxation without tax loopholes, and jewelry on men. We are in favor of: guns, drugs, fast cars, free love (if our wives don’t find out), a sound dollar . . . and a strong military with spiffy uniforms. There are thousands of people in America who feel this way, especially after three or four drinks. If all of us would unite and work together, we could give this country . . . well, a real bad hangover.” “To say that P. J. O’Rourke is funny is like saying the Rocky Mountains are scenic—accurate but insufficient. At his best he’s downright exhilarating . . . Republican Party Reptile is as rambunctiously entertaining as a greased pig catching contest. If you can find a funnier writer than P. J. O’Rourke, buy him a brandy, but don’t lend him the keys to your pickup.” —Chicago Tribune
Category: Humor

Always Say Goodbye

Author : Stuart M. Kaminsky
ISBN : 9781429965736
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 63.79 MB
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Four years ago Lew Fonesca's wife was struck and killed in a hit-and-run within sight of their apartment. He fled Chicago, driving mindlessly until his car gave up the ghost in Sarasota, FL. Working from a cheap office behind the Dairy Queen on Highway 301, he makes a threadbare living as a process server and savors his clinical depression like a fine wine. Life's a sneaky mistress, though, and has a way of suckering you into caring. Lew's found that he's really good at helping people get out of bad situations. That he matters. And Lew's therapist, who alternately acts as his conscience and his sparring partner, tells him that unless he's willing to leave the planet, it's about time that he goes back to Chicago and closes the door to the past so that he can finally get on with the rest of his life. Lew hates to admit it, but he's beginning to see her point. So Lew returns to his home town, to friends and family...and to a grief that threatens to engulf him. He's resolved to dig until he finds out who killed his wife. In doing so, he'll uncover both sweet and painful memories of his past. He'll also confront a murderer who'll not hesitate to kill again to make sure hidden secrets stay buried. At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
Category: Fiction

Some Die Mad

Author : Edward Beardshear
ISBN : 9781469798714
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 74.78 MB
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Young Malcolm Ward's father dies and he is betrayed into Mid-State Hospital by a cruel and greedy uncle. Malcolm is imprisoned on the Acute Violent and Forensic Ward where he discovers both art and the art of survival. Later, in the general hospital population, he fights to save a pretty young lady patient in his group therapy from a psychotic superintendent. This activates a system already clearly out to kill him. After he is blitzed by a series of unneeded shock treatments and sent to a back ward to die, he slowly recovers by painting and crafting sculpture. He falls in love with a devoted occupational therapist who reciprocates. And to make himself whole for her he escapes the hospital to find a new and truer life in a blazing finale of enlightened madness in New York's Greenwich Village.
Category: Fiction

Everyday People

Author : Stewart O'Nan
ISBN : 9781555847906
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 67.43 MB
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This novel of Pittsburgh, by the author of Last Night at the Lobster, “celebrates the lives of everyday people in an extraordinary way” (San Francisco Chronicle). Pittsburgh, 1998: Chris “Crest” Tolbert is eighteen years old, a soon-to-be father, and partially paralyzed after a devastating accident that left his best friend dead. In Everyday People, acclaimed novelist Stewart O’Nan offers a multifaceted portrait of Crest and of East Liberty, the African American neighborhood he calls home. As he deals with the challenges of new fatherhood and life as a paraplegic, Crest must also negotiate his relationships with his born-again brother and his father, who has been cheating on Crest’s mother with a younger man. Bringing together the stories of East Liberty’s residents during one fateful autumn week, O’Nan vividly captures the experience of modern life in urban America. An emblematic work by an American master, Everyday People is “a living, breathing history lesson that brings together a set of compelling voices that make real and immediate the ups and downs of a black urban community” (Chicago Tribune). “Like Sherwood Anderson’s Winesburg, Ohio or Gloria Naylor’s The Women of Brewster Place, Everyday People weaves its tale elliptically. . . . O’Nan creates vivid interior worlds, evoking conflicts and joys with astonishing grace and agility.” —Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Category: Fiction

Little Failure

Author : Gary Shteyngart
ISBN : 9780812995336
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 57.83 MB
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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • NATIONAL BOOK CRITICS CIRCLE AWARD FINALIST NAMED ONE OF THE TEN BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY MICHIKO KAKUTANI, THE NEW YORK TIMES • NAMED ONE OF THE TEN BEST NONFICTION BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY TIME NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY MORE THAN 45 PUBLICATIONS, INCLUDING The New York Times Book Review • The Washington Post • NPR • The New Yorker • San Francisco Chronicle • The Economist • The Atlantic • Newsday • Salon • St. Louis Post-Dispatch • The Guardian • Esquire (UK) • GQ (UK) Little Failure is the all too true story of an immigrant family betting its future on America, as told by a lifelong misfit who finally finds a place for himself in the world through books and words. In 1979, a little boy dragging a ginormous fur hat and an overcoat made from the skin of some Soviet woodland creature steps off the plane at New York’s JFK International Airport and into his new American life. His troubles are just beginning. For the former Igor Shteyngart, coming to the United States from the Soviet Union is like stumbling off a monochromatic cliff and landing in a pool of Technicolor. Careening between his Soviet home life and his American aspirations, he finds himself living in two contradictory worlds, wishing for a real home in one. He becomes so strange to his parents that his mother stops bickering with his father long enough to coin the phrase failurchka—“little failure”—which she applies to her once-promising son. With affection. Mostly. From the terrors of Hebrew School to a crash course in first love to a return visit to the homeland that is no longer home, Gary Shteyngart has crafted a ruthlessly brave and funny memoir of searching for every kind of love—family, romantic, and of the self. BONUS: This edition includes a reading group guide. Praise for Little Failure “Hilarious and moving . . . The army of readers who love Gary Shteyngart is about to get bigger.”—The New York Times Book Review “A memoir for the ages . . . brilliant and unflinching.”—Mary Karr “Dazzling . . . a rich, nuanced memoir . . . It’s an immigrant story, a coming-of-age story, a becoming-a-writer story, and a becoming-a-mensch story, and in all these ways it is, unambivalently, a success.”—Meg Wolitzer, NPR “Literary gold . . . [a] bruisingly funny memoir.”—Vogue “A giant success.”—Entertainment Weekly
Category: Biography & Autobiography

Drive Me Crazy

Author : Eric Jerome Dickey
ISBN : 9781101142424
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 53.12 MB
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The New York Times bestseller-now in trade paperback. Praised for his storytelling, New York Times bestselling author Eric Jerome Dickey turns up the heat in his explosive new novel of the reckless desires that bind an irresistible woman to a desperate man-and the one wrong move that could destroy them both.
Category: Fiction

Block Party 1

Author : Al-Saadiq Banks
ISBN : 9781625175496
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 24.77 MB
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Cashmere has just been released from Federal Prison. After serving seven years, he has finally paid the Government the debt he owed them. Now he wants what the streets owe him. His plan is to pick up from where he left off. The only problem is, the new generation has taken over and they refuse to accept orders from the middle-aged veteran.It's seven years later, the little boys he left back home have turned into grown men. It's their turn and they're not going to sit on the sideline and watch him take over.Watch Cashmere do everything in his power to make it to the top, where he feels he truly belongs.Will he regain the crown or will he have to bow down?
Category: Fiction

Fatal Isolation

Author : Richard C. Keller
ISBN : 9780226256436
Genre : History
File Size : 52.84 MB
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In a cemetery on the southern outskirts of Paris lie the bodies of nearly a hundred of what some have called the first casualties of global climate change. They were the so-called abandoned victims of the worst natural disaster in French history, the devastating heat wave that struck in August 2003, leaving 15,000 dead. They died alone in Paris and its suburbs, and were then buried at public expense, their bodies unclaimed. They died, and to a great extent lived, unnoticed by their neighbors--their bodies undiscovered in some cases until weeks after their deaths. Fatal Isolation tells the stories of these victims and the catastrophe that took their lives. It explores the multiple narratives of disaster--the official story of the crisis and its aftermath, as presented by the media and the state; the life stories of the individual victims, which both illuminate and challenge the ways we typically perceive natural disasters; and the scientific understandings of disaster and its management. Fatal Isolation is both a social history of risk and vulnerability in the urban landscape and a story of how a city copes with emerging threats and sudden, dramatic change.
Category: History

The Good German

Author : Joseph Kanon
ISBN : 9781429900539
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 41.93 MB
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Set in Berlin just after the end of World War II, a brilliant thriller about the end of one war and the beginning of another, by the bestselling author of Los Alamos. Berlin, 1945. Jake Geismar, former Berlin correspondent for CBS, has managed to wangle one of the coveted press slots for the Potsdam Conference. His assignment: a series of articles on the American occupation of postwar Berlin. His personal agenda: to find Lena, the German mistress he left behind at the outbreak of the war. When he stumbles on a murder--an American soldier washed up on the shore of the conference grounds--he thinks he has found the key that will unlock his Berlin story. What he finds instead is a larger story of corruption and intrigue reaching deep into the heart of the occupation and a city not only physically but morally devastatated, where children scavenge for food in the rubble, sex can be had for a cigarette, and the black market is the only means of survival. Berlin at zero hour is like nowhere else--a tragedy, and a feverish party after the end of the world. And nothing is simple--not the murder of a soldier and not any of the lives, American and German, that Jake encounters as he tries to solve it. More unsolvable still is the larger crime that hangs over everything in 1945, a crime so huge it seems beyond punishment. At once a murder mystery, a love story, and a riveting portrait of a unique time and place, Jason Kanon's The Good German is a historical thriller of the first rank.
Category: Fiction

The Old Man In The Club

Author : Curtis Bunn
ISBN : 9781593095727
Genre : Fiction
File Size : 64.51 MB
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Almost everyone who's been to a nightclub has seen him - the 'old guy in the club', the greying, balding loner who looks like he could be everyone else's grandfather. Why is he there? This sensitive portrayal tells the story of a man desperately trying to recapture his youth. Some find him charming, some find him creepy - but this is not a habit he is ready to give up... Meet Elliott Thomas, 61 years old. His motivation for hanging out in clubs isn’t fear of growing old; it’s his desire to catch up on what he's missed.
Category: Fiction