ARE-YOU-THERE-VODKA-ITS-ME-CHELSEA

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Are You There Vodka It S Me Chelsea

Author : Chelsea Handler
ISBN : 9781448135929
Genre : Humor
File Size : 76.54 MB
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Chelsea Handler is a woman on a mission. She's smart, sassy and not afraid to speak her mind. From an early age Chelsea knew exactly what she wanted and even in the trickiest of situations, she's never one to pass up an opportunity. Like the time she convinced her third-grade class she was shooting movies with Goldie Hawn on location in the Galapagos just to get them to like her, or when she spent the night in a women's prison, contemplating an affair with the inmate who killed her own sister. Chelsea it seems, has done it all, and a whole lot more ... Any mishaps along the way just spur Chelsea on further. Whether she is being dry-humped by a sumo masseur, dumped by her Big Red experiment or kicked out of a London restaurant with her pants down, Chelsea is always armed with an unshakeable disregard for rules and is incapable of leading a quiet life. Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea is an entertaining memoir-in-stories that will have you rolling around with laughter.
Category: Humor

Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me

Author : Chelsea Handler
ISBN : 1455504661
Genre : American wit and humor
File Size : 64.94 MB
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"My tendency to make up stories and lie compulsively for the sake of my own amusement takes up a good portion of my day and provides me with a peace of mind not easily attainable in this economic climate."--Chelsea Handler, from Chapter 10 of Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang It's no lie: Chelsea Handler loves to smoke out "dumbassness," the condition people suffer from that allows them to fall prey to her brand of complete and utter nonsense. Friends, family, co-workers--they've all been tricked by Chelsea into believing stories of total foolishness and into behaving like total fools. Luckily, they've lived to tell the tales and, for the very first time, write about them.
Category: American wit and humor

Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang

Author : Chelsea Handler
ISBN : 9780446563536
Genre : Humor
File Size : 26.47 MB
Format : PDF, Docs
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WHAT . . . A RIOT! Life doesn't get more hilarious than when Chelsea Handler takes aim with her irreverent wit. Who else would send all-staff emails to smoke out the dumbest people on her show? Now, in this new collection of original essays, the #1 bestselling author of Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea delivers one laugh-out-loud moment after another as she sets her sights on the ridiculous side of childhood, adulthood, and daughterhood. Family moments are fair game, whether it's writing a report on Reaganomics to earn a Cabbage Patch doll, or teaching her father social graces by ordering him to stay indoors. It's open season on her love life, from playing a prank on her boyfriend (using a ravioli, a fake autopsy, and the Santa Monica pier) to adopting a dog so she can snuggle with someone who doesn't talk. And everyone better duck for cover when her beach vacation turns into matchmaking gone wild. Outrageously funny and deliciously wicked, CHELSEA CHELSEA BANG BANG is good good good good! CHELSEA HANDLER ON... Being unpopular: "My parents couldn't have been more unreasonable when it came to fads or clothes that weren't purchased at a pharmacy." Living with her boyfriend: "He's similar to a large toddler, the only difference being he doesn't cry when he wakes up." Appreciating her brother: "He's a certified public accountant, and I have a real life." Arm-wrestling a maid of honor: "It wasn't her strength that intimidated me. It was the starry way her eyes focused on me, like Mike Tyson getting ready to feed."
Category: Humor

The Quotable Guide To Punctuation

Author : Stephen Spector
ISBN : 9780190675561
Genre : Language Arts & Disciplines
File Size : 36.22 MB
Format : PDF
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This book makes punctuation more fun and easier to learn than traditional approaches do. It teaches the natural way, by example: each lesson begins with quotes that exemplify good punctuation and sentence structure. Quotations are humorous and informative, drawn from the words of notable figures--Shakespeare, Mark Twain, Jerry Seinfeld, Taylor Swift, Beyoncé, Jennifer Lawrence, and many others. Short essays accompany each lesson, showing how each punctuation mark originated and how its use has altered over time. Correct punctuation is vital for clear, accurate, and natural writing. Anyone preparing a course assignment, applying for a job or for college admission, or doing any other formal writing needs to know the standard conventions of punctuation. Yet many people have never been taught how to punctuate. A necessary addition to any writer's bookshelf, this enjoyable book will teach readers to punctuate effectively and confidently--through over 500 memorable quotes and clear explanations of the rules.
Category: Language Arts & Disciplines

My Horizontal Life

Author : Chelsea Handler
ISBN : 9781455577521
Genre : Humor
File Size : 29.63 MB
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In this raucous collection of true-life stories, Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent in the social trenches with that wild, strange, irresistible, and often gratifying beast: the one-night stand. You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.
Category: Humor

Uganda Be Kidding Me

Author : Chelsea Handler
ISBN : 9781455599721
Genre : Humor
File Size : 49.9 MB
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Wherever Chelsea Handler travels, one thing is certain: she always ends up in the land of the ridiculous. Now, in this uproarious collection, she sneaks her sharp wit through airport security and delivers her most absurd and hilarious stories ever. On safari in Africa, it's anyone's guess as to what's more dangerous: the wildlife or Chelsea. But whether she's fumbling the seduction of a guide by not knowing where tigers live (Asia, duh) or wearing a bathrobe into the bush because her clothes stopped fitting seven margaritas ago, she's always game for the next misadventure. The situation gets down and dirty as she defiles a kayak in the Bahamas, and outright sweaty as she escapes from a German hospital on crutches. When things get truly scary, like finding herself stuck next to a passenger with bad breath, she knows she can rely on her family to make matters even worse. Thank goodness she has the devoted Chunk by her side-except for the time she loses him in Telluride. Complete with answers to the most frequently asked traveler's questions, hot travel trips, and travel etiquette, none of which should be believed, UGANDA BE KIDDING ME has Chelsea taking on the world, one laugh-out-loud incident at a time.
Category: Humor

I M Hosting As Fast As I Can

Author : Tom Bergeron
ISBN : 9780061867590
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 42.34 MB
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For readers of John O’Hurley’s It’s Okay to Miss the Bed on the First Jump and Chelsea Handler’s Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea, Daytime Emmy-winner Tom Bergeron—host of ABC’s Dancing with the Stars and America’s Funniest Home Videos—offers a series of humorous and inspirational stories on surviving Hollywood, including behind-the-camera stories with A-list celebrities.
Category: Biography & Autobiography

The Bedwetter

Author : Sarah Silverman
ISBN : 9780061987076
Genre : Biography & Autobiography
File Size : 47.86 MB
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From the outrageously filthy and oddly innocent comedienne and star of the powerful 2015 film I Smile Back Sarah Silverman comes a memoir—her first book—that is at once shockingly personal, surprisingly poignant, and still pee-in-your-pants funny. If you like Sarah’s television show The Sarah Silverman Program, or memoirs such as Chelsea Handler’s Are You There Vodka? It’s Me Chelsea and Artie Lange’s Too Fat to Fish, you’ll love The Bedwetter.
Category: Biography & Autobiography

The Publishers Weekly

Author :
ISBN : UCSD:31822036342517
Genre : American literature
File Size : 90.69 MB
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Category: American literature

Love Lust Faking It

Author : Jenny McCarthy
ISBN : 0062012983
Genre : Self-Help
File Size : 58.11 MB
Format : PDF, ePub
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"Even though this book is not as funny as mine, you should still buy it." —Chelsea Handler New York Times bestselling author Jenny McCarthy turns on the lights for a bawdy and hilarious look at women and sex. Returning to her comic roots and the tell-all tone that readers loved in Baby Laughs and Belly Laughs, this exposé from the former Playboy Bunny, MTV star, and prime-time TV sensation is perfect for fans of Sarah Silverman's Bedwetter and Chelsea Handler's Are You There Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea. Delivering the perfect mix of poignant insights, laugh-out-loud confessions, and spicy secrets, Love, Lust & Faking It will be an instant favorite…but it may find its way to your nightstand instead of your bookcase.
Category: Self-Help